some sort of school-itis.

I graduated BYU in 2010. Bitter sweet. I thought, "I HAVE A DEGREE! Can you say grown-up?!"

Well, turns out a degree in Psychology wouldn't mean very much to me AT ALL, except for the fact that it came from BYU. Oh how I miss that campus...

So I spent about a year, working jobs that started out great and kept me busy, while diving into my ever amounting pile of projects, but a void began to develop. I wanted more. I wasn't feeling as fulfilled as I thought I'd be at this point in my life. I had a degree that didn't give me a career. What will I do when my children outgrow their home and move on to their adult lives? What? Am I just going to stay home all day long while my husband continues to work? I got pretty down about it and had a pity-me party until we decided I should go back to school and pursue what I had always wanted to pursue... Nursing.

So here, I am. At school. Homework, and quizzes, and reading assignments, and exams oh my! How invigorating it felt to have homework again. Seriously.

But today I caught myself thinking, while driving my dad to pick up a tire, how nice life would be if I didn't have to worry about homework. If I wasn't in school and that stress was eliminated from my life. I even think how getting pregnant would take the stress off of having to perform well at school because... well... I'd be a mom and that would be my duty for the next 18+ years of my life (a wonderful role at that!) And then I remembered, I will make myself miserable in a matter of months if I didn't have school and if I wasn't working towards something that meant something to me. And I can't use having a baby as an excuse to not finish my goals. Max always says,

"it wouldn't be worth it if it were easy."

or

"any job worth having is going to take a lot of work"

True, babe.

Here's to keeping my goal in sight and realizing this IS what I really want. Even if in the end all I can do is qualify myself to apply to Nursing schools (since we all know getting into a program these days can take up to years and years and who knows where I will be at that point in my life.) It's just a small time frame in the grand scheme of things. I can make it! If not... fake it 'til I make it, right? :)