Sometimes all it takes is walking out of the room. And I'll tell you what, I'd rather sit by myself happy, than rolling with the crowd..
I had a little experience this Conference weekend. It was a very humbling experience as I broke down in tears. I felt like the situation I was in was tearing my soul to pieces. Literally, I could feel my spirit being torn and tattered. I walked away, feeling relief, guilt, and stupidity. How could I compromise my standards? How could I place my fear of men above my fear of God? I was brought down, and I am thankful for such an experience.
In Conference, we heard a talk about representing names. It came to my mind, as I was writing in a personal journal, that I represent my Savior. I represent the name of Jesus Christ. I should have never compromised my standards for men, when it's my Savior that I love and strive to emulate. Missionaries are not the only representatives of this Church; they may wear name-tags but I, as well as thousands of other members, are also representatives. We exemplify the Savior through our choices, our thoughts, our actions, and our desires. I failed this weekend on this account. And I felt the guilt, and remorse that came as I cried, and my heart was heavy-laden with the burden I unneccessarily placed upon myself.
I know my Savior lives and he loves me despite my follies. I love him and I will always aspire to something greater than myself, greater than this life. I'm thankful that I was brought so low in order to reflect on who's side I'm on, and who I represent as a member of the LDS Church, and in doing so I saw the good, the light, and the hope that comes with the Atonement. May you find such experiences!
"...if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to chedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of dhell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my [daughter], that all these things shall give thee eexperience, and shall be for thy good."
D&C 122: 7